GAMES MEN PLAY THAT WOMEN LOVE...A Genuine Lover of Her Soul (I)
Scripture: “Likewise, ye husbands (men), dwell with them according to KNOWLEDGE, giving honour unto the wife (woman), as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Pet. 3:7, KJV, Addition & Emphasis Mine
“And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he (the MAN) LOVED her (the WOMAN): and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.” Gen. 24:67, Addition and Emphasis Mine
Dearly beloved, I give God all the thanks always for your life as well as mine. And the reason why I do this is that some philosophers have said that it takes two hands to produce a sound when put together. And that it doesn’t matter how hard you wave one hand in the air, it can never produce any sound until the other hand joins it. This means that my writing only makes meaning as long as I have someone at the other end receiving the message. Without you, all my effort each week as I spend sleepless nights and awkward moments to write would have been for nothing. But because I know that there’s somebody that God is using this message to bless, I’m motivated to respond to duty. Besides, when you have God’s word burning in your bones like fire, all that you can do is to share with fellow brethren. And so this week once again offers us an opportunity to look at the converse side of the main topic that I have treated on this platform for sometime.
As I share this topic dispassionately with you, let me put on record that I have been a woman’s man for most of my life. Firstly, I was very close to my mother before her untimely demise. And as I drew close to her, she taught me the feminine side of human beings. Hence I grew to develop a soft-spot for women. Secondly, I’m very close to my dear wife whom I have married for over twenty (20) years and still continues to love her unflinchingly. Indeed, she has continued from where my mother left off to teach me more about the feminine side of human beings. Thirdly, I have had great opportunities to walk with very wonderful ladies whom time won’t allow on this platform for me to talk about who also taught me great things about womanhood. Hence I can say on authority that I know women to a large extent. But despite this experiential knowledge that I have on womanhood, I have had the opportunity to scrutinize John Gray’s book ‘Men Are From Mars & Women Are From Venus’. Consequently, whatever I’m going to write about must be considered from these perspectives.
You know, the second scripture used above was the same scripture that I used over fifteen years ago when I was marrying my wife. At the time, my dear mother had departed from us for about four years. And I remember that when I woke up on the dawn of 20th August 2005, my eyes were filled with tears. I cried so much because I wished that my mother would have lived to witness me marrying the woman I love. Fast-forwarding that moment to today, our love for each other has increased as we have seen other couples’ love wane over the same period. And so let me at this point do an exposition on the second scripture and situate it within this context.
The story of Abraham, Sarah and Isaac have been told umpteen times on various platforms. And it has been so because Abraham for instance has become the source of three main religions in the world (i.e. Christianity, Judaism and Islam) as I indicated in my book ‘Breaking The Father’s Codes’ published on amazon.com. And so as the story goes, God calls Abraham to leave his father’s house and go to a land that He had chosen for him. Later on after he had obeyed God and had left, God promised him a son to be his heir. But in between the fulfillment of that promise, the couple relied on the flesh to produce a pseudo son in the person of Ishmael through Hagar, Sarah’s Egyptian maid-servant. However due to the mercies of God, He allowed the couple to conceive at ages when their natural bodies were failing. Hence Isaac entered into planet earth to old parents. At this point in their lives, the couple had seen it all in life and so I can imagine that they would try to put much love into this boy; especially coming from even the fact that Ishmael and the mother had to be somehow ostracized from home when Sarah became concerned about the way Ishmael and the mom were handling Isaac. This narrative then clearly shows that Isaac grew to be a lover-man. Now, it is didactic to note that it was this “lover-man” mindset that he had developed over the years that made him to love Rebekah with all his soul apart from the fact that his wife was chosen for him with God’s involvement (see Gen. 24:42-48).
Having established this fact, you need to also understand that this kind of love that Isaac expressed for the wife wasn’t the type that falls into the categories of the eleven other lovers that I have seen under the sun as espoused in my book ‘Overcoming The 7 Basic Fears In Life’ (also published on amazon.com) apart from the unconditional type of lovers. Indeed, an unconditional love can only be expressed when there’s divine involvement. Apart from that, you’ll only limit the love to the body of the woman. Sadly enough, most men have limited their love to their women based on their bodies and not their souls. But the moment a woman gets to know that her man doesn’t love her soul, that woman often becomes carefree and apathetic towards the relationship. For instance, I was handling a case between some couple and when I met the man for him to narrate his story as to why their relationship had become stale, he goes like; “Can you imagine? Sometimes whilst I’m having an affair with my wife, then she would be Whatsapping with other people.” It was very strange for me to hear this from someone who calls himself a husband. But you know, if your woman realizes that you don’t care about her soul but only care about what you get from her body, she’ll behave like what this man’s wife did to him. I know that someone may say that this ain’t fair. But you know, women are very detailed people who have a lot of intuition to pick the slightest signal that makes them feel that a man doesn’t care about them that much. Indeed, when a man genuinely loves a woman very much, he thinks daily of where the soul of the woman would spend eternity. As such, men like that would do all that they can to build a culture in the relationship that promotes soul-saving. If you’re reading this and you’re yet to marry, then kindly read my book ‘The Anatomy of Courtship’ (also published on amazon.com and in hard print form too) for you to learn some things about the woman you want to marry. Hence if you want your woman to know that you’re a genuine lover of her soul, then you should know the following:
1. Women Are God’s Gifts & Not Grass
Until a man gets the understanding that his woman is a gift from God, he’ll continue to treat that gift as grass. But the moment that same man becomes enlightened about this gift and begins to handle her with care, that man begins to enjoy everlasting peace on earth. And the reason why I can make this audacious statement is that, right from the cradle of life, man never went to God to request for a partner though man had seen that other created beings were made in twos. Indeed, had God not had mercy on man to consider him as a candidate of companionship, man would have remained in a state of isolation. The best man could have done was to form a rapport with the other things created and derive companionship from them. And though I can imagine how bizarre that relationship could have been, yet once man hadn’t seen the feminine side of his being before, he would probably have been content with it. However, if one considers the fact that companionship goes beyond just the physical relationship we often have with people, I can foresee that man would have struggled with himself within. And so it is against this background that made man to express a wonder when the woman was brought to her (see Gen. 2:23). Friends, women are indeed wonderful beings if you know how to handle them.
On the other hand, if you handle them anyhow and it comes to their notice, you become the worst of their enemies. And so every man who wants his woman to love him more than anything else should know that “Every GOOD GIFT and every PERFECT GIFT is from above, and cometh down from the FATHER of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17, KJV, Emphasis Mine). Hence if you need a good or perfect woman, your source shouldn’t be from people, but from God. It is when you have elevated your mind to this truth and have aligned your spirit to receive this truth that you can receive good or perfect gifts from God. Apart from that, you’ll sheepishly go in for the bad ones, who would end up giving you headaches all through your life. And so God’s standard for giving gifts (women) to men is either good or perfect. Choose for yourself the one that you want and assiduously work towards it (i.e. if you’re still scouting for one).
2. Develop A Gift Acceptability Mentality
Gifts are meant to be accepted or rejected. But whether you’ll accept or reject, you’ve got to know that there’s a penalty to pay. So for instance if I give a gift to someone and the person rejects or treats the gift anyhow, then it means that such a person do not need any gift from me. However, if that same person receives that gift and in addition appreciates me for giving him such a gift, that person automatically becomes a candidate for my gift league. It is for this singular reason why many people are suffering in their marriages. And until such people develop a mindset of acceptability of the gift and the Giver, such people would continue to languish in their marriages or relationships. Hence if you were like me who wanted to marry a fair woman and settled on a dark-skinned one, you have to brace your mind and decode it of the fixation that you had and accept what God has given to you. You know, I can say on authority that many are those who couldn’t get the type of person that they wanted to marry than those who got what they wanted. However, if those who didn’t get the type of person that they wanted to marry apply this golden rule in life, they would realize later that God had given them exactly what was good for them. And I’m able to speak to this matter because I’m a candidate of such people. But today, I fully agree with God for making me marry the woman whom He thought was good for me. Once you’re able to cross this line, the rest is peace of mind and prosperity. I thank God always for leading me to make the right choice at the time when my flesh was saying otherwise. And I trust that if you would allow your flesh to be abased in matters of this nature and allow the divine nature in you to have the upper hand, your woman would forever love you.
3. Break Your Martisian Code
John Gray in his book ‘Men Are From Mars & Women Are From Venus’ outlines several things that martisians hold dear in their relationships. One of such martisian codes is rigidity or firmness or intransigence. And you know, having learnt a lot from the feminine side of our being, I’ve come to appreciate that most women love men who show leadership in every aspect of their relationship. For instance, whether I’m present at home or not, my eyes follow my family just as the way the eagle follows her eaglets when left to mount on their own for the first time. As a matter of fact, the last person I often talk to everyday when I’m away from home is my wife. And she most often becomes the first person to hear my voice every morning when I’m away from home. This I believe has built our relationship to the extent that if a day passes by without talking to each other, then it’s an oddity. However, the fact that I show leadership in my home doesn’t mean that I have to apply all the leadership models all the time. If I do that, my home would be like a den of lions: especially if I resort to rigidity in decision-making. As a matter of fact, there are some issues about family life that a man must be firm or rigid on. Even with that, the woman should be wooed on them for her to appreciate why you were rigid on that issue. And I can assure you that the moment she’s brought on board to understand your view point (especially if that view point was realistic that yielded results), she would respect your authority as the man of the home. Conversely, if even after explaining to her and she intuitively believes that your view point wasn’t in the best interest of the family (especially if your view point didn’t produce the results that you were looking for), she would hate you in her heart. Hence in applying firmness in decision-making in your relationship with your woman, always apply common sense and seek a lot of spiritual guidance too.
4. Treat Her As You Would Treat Yourself
I know that most men reading this would find it distasteful; especially if you’re the type who sees your woman as a servant or slave. However, if you have been able to elevate your thinking to the level where proper men have lifted themselves to where they see their women as co-labourers in the family setup, then you won’t have any qualms with it. The truth is that, every human being intrinsically wants to be treated well. In actual fact, even animals which have different images other than humans want to be treated well. Hence when you travel on most European and American roads (that’s where I have experienced some), you come across a lot of the animals in the forests. As for squirrels and some birds like ducks, they’re common on most trees and in most streams in Europe and America. That cannot be said for most roads in Africa, Middle East and Asia. And this is so because in Africa for instance, most of these animals are hounded and hunted to the extent where it put fear in them to come closer to human beings. Simple put; in most of these regions of the world, animals are animals and not creatures of God and therefore must be treated as animals. Hence with the same thinking about women, most men who have depreciated the value of women in their minds do not understand why they should treat them as their co-equals. Indeed, one of the demeaning statements I heard from a colleague at work is to the effect that women were created to be used as sex objects and menial workers at home. In fact, when I heard him say that, it cut through my heart as though a knife had been forced through my flesh. And usually when I hear some of these unfortunate statements I try to correct the narrative. But you know, if such a man is not reformed before he enters into any marital relationship, he would give the woman a lot of problems, which would eventually cause the woman to hate him instead of to love him. Therefore, if you want your woman to love you with all her heart and support you in everything that you’ll do as a man, then you must learn to apply the golden rule that Jesus Himself gave to us. This golden rule is “Therefore ALL things whatsoever ye would that men (human beings) should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matt. 7:12, KJV, Addition and Emphasis Mine).
Note that in this scripture, Jesus didn’t exempt some category of people from the golden rule. He never said that “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that MALES should do to you, do ye even so to MALES”. As Someone, who was part of creation, He used the generic term that stood for all human beings no matter their status in respect of their gender, age, race, religion, ethnicity, tribe or even political affiliation. And if Jesus wouldn’t want to classify us based on what I have enumerated above, then who are you to do that? So I’m calling on all men, who want their women to love them back in equal proportions to treat these women as they treat themselves. And so may God cause all men whose hearts are hardened towards their women to be soft as they develop a deeper and genuine love for their women.
Again, we have come to the end of the first episode of this sequel. And I trust that you have been blessed? If the answer is in the affirmative, then kindly share the contents of this message with other people as we build a critical mass on social media for God. Additionally, if you don’t know this God that I’m talking about, then you cannot love your woman as you would have wished to. Hence I invite you to give your life to Jesus so that you can learn how to love from Him. You know, one of my favorite scriptures is “But God commendeth his LOVE toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rm. 5:8, KJV, Emphasis Mine). And so if you want to experience this love that God commands towards us, then pray this sinners prayer after me. Dear Lord Jesus, I know that you’re the Son of God. I know that you came to this world to die for my sins. And I believe that you rose for my justification. I ask you to come into my heart and be the Lord over my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen. If you prayed this prayer, then you’re born again to love like a real man. Shalom!